Why I Do What I Do

Why do I do what I do?  Excellent question.  A question that I continue to ponder on a daily basis as I attempt to determine if I am doing the right thing.  Two months ago I was riding a bus into Seattle every day.  I worked in a corner office with a spectacular view of the Space Needle and I was surrounded by an amazing group of professionals.  When I arrived home in the evening I would open the door just long enough for the dogs to come out and greet me with the unconditional love only a devoted dog can truly give. We would go out in the front yard and play for a few moments before taking it inside for well deserved dog biscuits (only the dogs would partake...I usually refrained from having one myself).  If I forgot the dogs (Ginger and Mac) would remind me with an enthusiastic, prodding yet respectful bark.  Soon after I would sit down to dinner with Midori and Sean every night, which has always been my favorite time of the day.  Without fail we would linger around the table long after the meal was over, and discuss the events of the day or just talk about stupid stuff that made us laugh. On those special occasions when Sara and Bob were home life was virtually perfect.  Having everyone home always brought a feeling that all was right with the world and that I truly had everything.
So here I sit, in a basement apartment in Arlington, VA a geographic bachelor 3000 miles from home learning a language that is 49th on the list of most common languages.  I will spend my 50th birthday at a National Guard base in Indiana learning how not to shoot myself in the foot and building a team to take to the war. In June I will be heading to Afghanistan to lead a Provincial Reconstruction Team for a nine month deployment.   I didn't have to take this route.  In February I will have 30 years active duty.  My options were open...retire, stay in and take a less demanding position out of harm's way and much closer to home or take an interesting staff job in some exotic location.  Instead I chose to put myself and my family through a couple of years of uncertainty and separation.  Why do I do what I do?

With anything, it's complicated, and I certainly did not enter in to the decision lightly.  There are a myriad of factors that went into it.  Some thoughts on a few:

1) The need to do my part.  Although I have been in the Navy for thirty years, I still feel like it is important to be involved in the fight.  When I was working in Seattle, I would walk down the street in my uniform, and occasionally someone would thank me for my service.  I always felt a little guilty, wanting to tell them "Don't thank me, I have a corner office with a view of the Space Needle. I'm not doing anything special."  We continue to send our young men and women of America to war, and perhaps they need someone to go with them, provide them leadership and guidance, and ensure they get home safely.

2) The need to inspire my children.  I never feel as though I am doing enough to lead my children down the path of life.  I think back to my Dad, a man of few words but with a work ethic that I could never aspire to match.  He didn't have to say much, but he set an example for me that I have always aspired to.  I want to do the same for my kids regardless of their age.  What example am I setting?  Not sure...service, commitment, leadership, work ethic...who knows.  Still it is important to strive to be that example and although I have fallen short mightily throughout the years, I will never give up on this incredibly important responsibility.

3) The need to stay competitive.  If I am going to stick around I need to continue to be relevant.  Often, when someone leaves a command tour, they end up on a staff, sitting in a cubicle creating powerpoint presentations...no way.  If I am going to stick around I want to lead.  To be competitive, it is important to take the hard job.  At the same time, if I do not get promoted, what a great job I will have, providing me the opportunity to have an important and rewarding position leading young soldiers and Sailors in a tough environment.

4)  I'm not ready to leave the Navy.  I look at the options available to me on the outside and nothing appeals to me...perhaps down the road I will get into teaching, but for now I am still having fun and I still get excited about the opportunities that are available to me in the Navy.  I just can't see myself doing anything else at this point.

So, why do I do what I do? I sometimes wonder if I am selfish...that certainly is possible.  Perhaps the honorable thing to do would be to stay closer to home and not be a long distance father, husband and son so that my family does not have to go through the anxiety and uncertainty that comes with this assignment.  To answer I guess I would look to the four points above and state the unfortunate truth that with service comes sacrifice.  With every American who has gone to war, there was a family that was there with them, in spirit, support and sacrifice.  Hopefully we will all come out better as we all take part in the process.  I hope I am right...