In my last post I spoke of balance and the importance of achieving balance in life. I also mentioned that I have been extremely unsuccessful in gaining a sense of balance in my life. Now I am faced with a short term balancing act that I have been playing with over the last week or so. As Pashto language training draws to a close, my time is torn by a number of competing requirements that are all important and all take a significant amount of time. So, I have jumped on the balance beam and I am attempting to walk across, teetering back and forth, arms outstretched trying not to look at anything but the end of the beam. Some of the requirements include:
-Complete Pashto training. Because my follow-on training requirement has been moved up, I am finishing language school about ten days before my classmates. So, instead of being in class until the first week of February, I will be finished on Wednesday the 26th of January. Which means I have two days of class left. Which means in three days I will go sit at an unfamiliar desk in an unfamiliar office and speak on the phone with an unfamiliar voice for thirty to sixty minutes...all in Pashto. Unfortunately my last practice session for this did not go well. I was speaking with an instructor on the phone that I had never spoke with before so his voice was unfamiliar. He spoke in the southwestern dialect so I had to adjust my brain to listen for that particular dialect. Mostly I just choked. I got nervous and when I couldn't understand something he was saying I would try to answer what I think he was asking me. I was not always correct in my guesses. After awhile, my mind went blank because I was so caught up on my past mistakes, and before I knew it I could barely speak English, much less Pashto. The only thing worse than that twenty minutes was the twenty minutes I spent listening to a recording of the conversation. Absolutely nothing worse than having to listen to yourself stumble through an awkward conversation in a foreign language. The annoying thing was, as I listened to it I understood pretty much everything he said. It is much easier when there is no pressure. So, I am attempting to mix the right amount of vocabulary review, verb conjugation, speaking practice and listening practice to ensure I can sit down at that desk and speak with an unknown person with confidence. It is truly amazing how well I form Pashto sentences in my noggin and how I can think the sentences through at lightning speed, but when I try to speak them the speed and clarity is slowed down to the pace of a snail...or a turtle perhaps....lying on it's back on the beach....swaying back and forth trying to right itself....sorry...I digress. But there must be some sort of valve or switch between my brain and my mouth that slows everything down or makes me second guess myself as the words work their way toward my vocal cords. Hmmm. Last week I stayed an extra hour after class to work one on one (yao bondi yao) with my instructors. I also started to drive to school to cut down the commute time. Driving takes a good hour off the normal commute of taking the Metro. Monday and Tuesday will be just speaking, over and over again. Conversation to get comfortable understanding the speaker and providing correct responses.
-Getting in shape. In another week and a half I will have mandatory physical training on a National Guard base in Indiana at five o'clock every morning. Then, starting in March I will be training everyday with my team of which I am pretty confident I will be one of the oldest if not the oldest in the bunch. I cannot let them down and I cannot let myself down. I have been keeping a general state of fitness but not to the level I need. In fact, if I lose thirty pounds I will not miss them in the least. This past week I have started daily doubles, jogging to the gym in the morning, working with weights and then jogging back home. In the evening I drive to the gym and spend time on the treadmill, elliptical and bike (Funny thing, when I was on the elliptical last night they were showing "National Treasure Part II" on one of the many televisions. One of the critical scenes showed Nicholas Cage, Ed Harris and a couple of others attempting to balance on a large slab of rock that was sitting on top of a thin piece of wood. Balance issues...they are all over the place)! Of course, this schedule has great potential for burning me out completely, but I will only be following it for another week or so. No problem.
-Getting ready for training/Afghanistan. The Army was nice enough to send me a box of books to read. Some of them are directives and guidance on how to conduct operations in Afghanistan, some are Army Field Manuals and others are books on the history of Afghanistan, counter-insurgency, understanding the enemy, etc. Although I have had these orders since last summer, I just received these books along with an email stating that I had to read some of them prior to my first trip to Afghanistan, which is in less than three weeks, and the rest of them by the first of April. Thanks. So the good thing is I get a box of free books. The annoying thing is I had already bought a number of them. The reading will begin as soon as I get through my "phone call" on Wednesday.
-Spending time with friends and family. This has been the most difficult and probably the most important. I flew home for the recent three day weekend and it was well worth the travel time and spending a couple of days with Midori and Sean. I have tried to use Skype to talk to Sara and Bob and even Mom but this is the thing that seems to fall off the plate at the end of the day. Speaking with Midori and Sean, Sara and Bob, Mom, my brothers and sisters, friends, it doesn't always happen as much as a would like. I am writing this from the dining room table of my brother David. I figured I could spend the day here with David, Marybeth and Emma, while studying some Pashto, maybe watch some football and update this nonsensical blog. There are so many people I wanted to see before I head out but I don't know when or if that will happen. I will have to work that into the last few days in DC prior to heading to Indiana.
Of course, there are a thousand other requirements I have to take care of...moving out of the man cave in Arlington, figuring out how to wear an Army uniform so that I don't embarrass myself (too late), getting some sleep, checking out from the Navy Yard, checking out from Defense Language School, oh and going to the dentist to take care of this excrutiatingly painful toothache I have. In fact I will probably miss half a day of school tomorrow if I can get in to the dentist. The timing is wonderful. So much for the two final days of Pashto conversation practice. Perhaps I can practice when the dentist has his hands in my mouth.
So, three weeks until I head over to Afghanistan for the first time...holy crap! I can't wait. It has been over a year since I started thinking about doing this so it will be good to finally move closer to the goal. If only I can stay on this beam without falling off.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
BALANCE
Let me start with a story, but before I start with the story that relates to the topic, let me preface it with another story (huh)? A few weeks ago I was telling a story in class to make a point about the learning process we were going through in Pashto training. One of my three classmates is a First Lieutenant in the Army, a very intelligent and personable guy. When I finished my story he said "You know I love Commander Murdock stories because when they start you think to yourself, 'where in the world is he going with this' but by the end of the story it all makes perfect sense."
Now that you are prepared to go round and round in my story, know that at some point it will all become clear...hopefully. Back in the day, when I was an Ensign on the mighty BELLEAU WOOD in San Diego, the ship held a retirement ceremony for a Rear Admiral who had served his country proudly for about thirty plus years. For the ceremony, I was tasked along with my fellow Ensigns to escort some retired admirals who would be attending the event. Prior to their arrival we stood out on the pier next to the fancy parking signs that had been made for the admirals. The admiral I was assigned was old. I mean, really old from the looks of it. My introduction to him was when he drove his Cadillac into his parking spot and promptly hit the fancy sign (little slow on the brakes). That was fine, could happen to anyone I suppose. So I went to the passenger side to open the door for his wife. Meanwhile the admiral got out of the vehicle and met us behind the vehicle. He took his wife's hand and started heading for the brow of the ship. But something wasn't right. There was a purring noise like the sound of an idling Cadillac. Hmmm. I went over to the driver side, opened the door, turned off the car and caught up with the admiral on the ship. I gave the keys to his wife and she laughed, as if this was not the first time. Once the ceremony was getting ready to start, I escorted the admiral and his wife to their seats, and then joined my fellow Ensigns in the back row.
When the time came for the Rear Admiral who was retiring to speak, he proceeded as most of these speeches go. He thanked those around him who were special and played a part in his attainment of such a lofty position. The part of the speech that has stayed with me for the last twenty years was when he looked at his family in the front row and he said "And to my beautiful daughter and my wonderful son, I know I haven't been there much over the years but now...it's our turn!" I craned my neck to see his kids and what I saw was two adults with their spouses and kids sitting with them. His son and daughter were grown adults with families of their own. I could imagine the dialogue that was going on in their heads: "Our turn? Dad your turn was over a long time ago! Now if you want to babysit your grandkids every now and then that's fine but our turn? You're kidding right?" I thought to myself at that moment that I did not want to make the same speech. So, throughout my career, I have always preached balance to the people that worked for me.
It is too easy for people to get so wrapped up in the job that they have no life outside work, even though they may have a family waiting at home. The excuse is always that the job needs to get done at all costs and sacrifice is the key to success. In the end, what happens is, people burn out. The command may be successful in the short run but if you drive your people into the ground and they have no balance, you sacrifice the long term well being of your people. Eventually personal lives start to unravel, physical and emotional strength weakens, and productivity at work suffers. In the end the command suffers and the mission cannot be completed to the level desired. Does this occur with every organization? No, but the likelihood of it happening increases as balance decreases. That is why knowing your people, understanding the challenges they face and ensuring they have the tools to be successful at work and in life. In my command philosophy I stated "Leadership is the art of instilling in your people a sense of commitment to the mission while simultaneously providing them the opportunity to achieve balance in their personal and professional lives." Successfully completing the mission is always the bottom line, but in order to accomplishment it effectively and for an extended time, it is imperative that every member of the team is committed to the mission. In order for them to be fully committed they need to know their role, understand the goals and objectives and know that the command is invested in their professional lives and supportive of their personal lives.
Now, this all sounds good, and I believe I have been semi-successful in taking care of people. But where I have failed, is in setting the example and achieving balance in my own life. Choosing to stay at sea instead of going to shore duty, going in early and leaving late, never taking leave...I have been completely out of balance. In my mind the job was never done or it was not done well enough. I lacked in time management and organization which always added hours to each day. I have an endless list of excuses that I can throw out there. I definitely love what I do which is why I am still here doing it every day. But I just was not home over the years. The amazing result is that I still have a wonderful family that has stood by me throughout the years. My kids are genuinely good, caring human beings and my beautiful wife deserves all the credit for taking care of them and me. Now here I am living 3000 miles away and getting ready to go to Afghanistan. Some people never learn. Hopefully I have positively affected the lives of a few Sailors who will never have to make the same speech that Rear Admiral made years ago on the deck of the mighty BELLEAU WOOD. I am well on track to making that speech in a few years where I will look at my grown children and see in them the years we have lost. But, I promise to not say "it's our turn." Perhaps I will replace that with "need a babysitter?"
Now that you are prepared to go round and round in my story, know that at some point it will all become clear...hopefully. Back in the day, when I was an Ensign on the mighty BELLEAU WOOD in San Diego, the ship held a retirement ceremony for a Rear Admiral who had served his country proudly for about thirty plus years. For the ceremony, I was tasked along with my fellow Ensigns to escort some retired admirals who would be attending the event. Prior to their arrival we stood out on the pier next to the fancy parking signs that had been made for the admirals. The admiral I was assigned was old. I mean, really old from the looks of it. My introduction to him was when he drove his Cadillac into his parking spot and promptly hit the fancy sign (little slow on the brakes). That was fine, could happen to anyone I suppose. So I went to the passenger side to open the door for his wife. Meanwhile the admiral got out of the vehicle and met us behind the vehicle. He took his wife's hand and started heading for the brow of the ship. But something wasn't right. There was a purring noise like the sound of an idling Cadillac. Hmmm. I went over to the driver side, opened the door, turned off the car and caught up with the admiral on the ship. I gave the keys to his wife and she laughed, as if this was not the first time. Once the ceremony was getting ready to start, I escorted the admiral and his wife to their seats, and then joined my fellow Ensigns in the back row.
When the time came for the Rear Admiral who was retiring to speak, he proceeded as most of these speeches go. He thanked those around him who were special and played a part in his attainment of such a lofty position. The part of the speech that has stayed with me for the last twenty years was when he looked at his family in the front row and he said "And to my beautiful daughter and my wonderful son, I know I haven't been there much over the years but now...it's our turn!" I craned my neck to see his kids and what I saw was two adults with their spouses and kids sitting with them. His son and daughter were grown adults with families of their own. I could imagine the dialogue that was going on in their heads: "Our turn? Dad your turn was over a long time ago! Now if you want to babysit your grandkids every now and then that's fine but our turn? You're kidding right?" I thought to myself at that moment that I did not want to make the same speech. So, throughout my career, I have always preached balance to the people that worked for me.
It is too easy for people to get so wrapped up in the job that they have no life outside work, even though they may have a family waiting at home. The excuse is always that the job needs to get done at all costs and sacrifice is the key to success. In the end, what happens is, people burn out. The command may be successful in the short run but if you drive your people into the ground and they have no balance, you sacrifice the long term well being of your people. Eventually personal lives start to unravel, physical and emotional strength weakens, and productivity at work suffers. In the end the command suffers and the mission cannot be completed to the level desired. Does this occur with every organization? No, but the likelihood of it happening increases as balance decreases. That is why knowing your people, understanding the challenges they face and ensuring they have the tools to be successful at work and in life. In my command philosophy I stated "Leadership is the art of instilling in your people a sense of commitment to the mission while simultaneously providing them the opportunity to achieve balance in their personal and professional lives." Successfully completing the mission is always the bottom line, but in order to accomplishment it effectively and for an extended time, it is imperative that every member of the team is committed to the mission. In order for them to be fully committed they need to know their role, understand the goals and objectives and know that the command is invested in their professional lives and supportive of their personal lives.
Now, this all sounds good, and I believe I have been semi-successful in taking care of people. But where I have failed, is in setting the example and achieving balance in my own life. Choosing to stay at sea instead of going to shore duty, going in early and leaving late, never taking leave...I have been completely out of balance. In my mind the job was never done or it was not done well enough. I lacked in time management and organization which always added hours to each day. I have an endless list of excuses that I can throw out there. I definitely love what I do which is why I am still here doing it every day. But I just was not home over the years. The amazing result is that I still have a wonderful family that has stood by me throughout the years. My kids are genuinely good, caring human beings and my beautiful wife deserves all the credit for taking care of them and me. Now here I am living 3000 miles away and getting ready to go to Afghanistan. Some people never learn. Hopefully I have positively affected the lives of a few Sailors who will never have to make the same speech that Rear Admiral made years ago on the deck of the mighty BELLEAU WOOD. I am well on track to making that speech in a few years where I will look at my grown children and see in them the years we have lost. But, I promise to not say "it's our turn." Perhaps I will replace that with "need a babysitter?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)