BALANCE

Let me start with a story, but before I start with the story that relates to the topic, let me preface it with another story (huh)?  A few weeks ago I was telling a story in class to make a point about the learning process we were going through in Pashto training.  One of my three classmates is a First Lieutenant in the Army, a very intelligent and personable guy.  When I finished my story he said "You know I love Commander Murdock stories because when they start you think to yourself, 'where in the world is he going with this' but by the end of the story it all makes perfect sense." 

Now that you are prepared to go round and round in my story, know that at some point it will all become clear...hopefully.  Back in the day, when I was an Ensign on the mighty BELLEAU WOOD in San Diego, the ship held a retirement ceremony for a Rear Admiral who had served his country proudly for about thirty plus years.  For the ceremony, I was tasked along with my fellow Ensigns to escort some retired admirals who would be attending the event.  Prior to their arrival we stood out on the pier next to the fancy parking signs that had been made for the admirals.  The admiral I was assigned was old.  I mean, really old from the looks of it.  My introduction to him was when he drove his Cadillac into his parking spot and promptly hit the fancy sign (little slow on the brakes).  That was fine, could happen to anyone I suppose.  So I went to the passenger side to open the door for his wife.  Meanwhile the admiral got out of the vehicle and met us behind the vehicle.  He took his wife's hand and started heading for the brow of the ship.  But something wasn't right.  There was a purring noise like the sound of an idling Cadillac.  Hmmm.  I went over to the driver side, opened the door, turned off the car and caught up with the admiral on the ship.  I gave the keys to his wife and she laughed, as if this was not the first time.  Once the ceremony was getting ready to start, I escorted the admiral and his wife to their seats, and then joined my fellow Ensigns in the back row. 

When the time came for the Rear Admiral who was retiring to speak, he proceeded as most of these speeches go.  He thanked those around him who were special and played a part in his attainment of such a lofty position.  The part of the speech that has stayed with me for the last twenty years was when he looked at his family in the front row and he said "And to my beautiful daughter and my wonderful son, I know I haven't been there much over the years but now...it's our turn!"  I craned my neck to see his kids and what I saw was two adults with their spouses and kids sitting with them. His son and daughter were grown adults with families of their own.  I could imagine the dialogue that was going on in their heads: "Our turn?  Dad your turn was over a long time ago!  Now if  you want to babysit your grandkids every now and then that's fine but our turn?  You're kidding right?"  I thought to myself at that moment that I did not want to make the same speech.  So, throughout my career, I have always preached balance to the people that worked for me. 

It is too easy for people to get so wrapped up in the job that they have no life outside work, even though they may have a family waiting at home.  The excuse is always that the job needs to get done at all costs and sacrifice is the key to success. In the end, what happens is, people burn out.  The command may be successful in the short run but if you drive your people into the ground and they have no balance, you sacrifice the long term well being of your people. Eventually personal lives start to unravel, physical and emotional strength weakens, and productivity at work suffers.  In the end the command suffers and the mission cannot be completed to the level desired.  Does this occur with every organization?  No, but the likelihood of it happening increases as balance decreases.  That is why knowing your people, understanding the challenges they face and ensuring they have the tools to be successful at work and in life. In my command philosophy I stated  "Leadership is the art of instilling in your people a sense of commitment to the mission while simultaneously providing them the opportunity to achieve balance in their personal and professional lives."  Successfully completing the mission is always the bottom line, but in order to accomplishment it effectively and for an extended time, it is imperative that every member of the team is committed to the mission.  In order for them to be fully committed they need to know their role, understand the goals and objectives and know that the command is invested in their professional lives and supportive of their personal lives. 

Now, this all sounds good, and I believe I have been semi-successful in taking care of people.  But where I have failed, is in setting the example and achieving balance in my own life.  Choosing to stay at sea  instead of going to shore duty, going in early and leaving late, never taking leave...I have been completely out of balance.  In my mind the job was never done or it was not done well enough.  I lacked in time management and organization which always added hours to each day.  I have an endless list of excuses that I can throw out there.  I definitely love what I do which is why I am still here doing it every day.  But I just was not home over the years.  The amazing result is that I still have a wonderful family that has stood by me throughout the years.  My kids are genuinely good, caring human beings and my beautiful wife deserves all the credit for taking care of them and me.  Now here I am living 3000 miles away and getting ready to go to Afghanistan.  Some people never learn. Hopefully I have positively affected the lives of a few Sailors who will never have to make the same speech that Rear Admiral made years ago on the deck of the mighty BELLEAU WOOD.   I am well on track to making that speech in a few years where I will look at my grown children and see in them the years we have lost.  But, I promise to not say "it's our turn."  Perhaps I will replace that with "need a babysitter?"